Well, i haven’t posted anything in quite a while now.
I am now vowing that:
The school of music will NOT kick my butt this year
I will not let other musicians bring me down
I will have an awesomely musical year! :-)
So…..as the title suggests, my summer has been quite a bummer. Nothing out of the ordinary though. Sitting around not doing anything useful with my time. Failing at finding summer love (other than music, i mean). But one good thing has come out of this summer. I now have a newly found understanding of the art of practicing music.
So as this post is coming to an end, i’m realizing that nothing but my goals for next year have made any sense and that i’m still here feeling unfulfilled…darn you summer.
♥ Ashley the girl with extremely high expectations of everything ♪
Now that the my first semester as a music student is winding down i must start off by saying I MUST REALLY FUCKING LOVE MUSIC TO GO THROUGH ALL OF THIS SHIT QUIETLY. So since my last post a few things have happened. The whole stinky food problem in the lounge problem was completely solved. Some person who takes the saying To eat sleep and breathe music way too seriously decided that we don’t need a microwave anymore cause we obviously don’t need to eat actual food. I’ve realized that a lot more people than i expected don’t like me. I’ve learned that when i don’t exercise for more than 2 days my lung capacity goes wayyyy down, and if you aren’t seen practicing, you don’t actually practice.
After going back and reading my last post i’ve realized that i haven’t really taken my own advice at all. For so many years i haven’t had to worry about other people’s opinions because i was the only one that actually cared about music. Now that i’m surrounded by amazing musicians that all have their own opinions on me and my music, i’ve let their Peachez directed criticisms affect my positive “I can do this” attitude. I have let them convince myself that i wasn’t good enough.
Well, I’ve decided that with all of the stuff going on now, I might as well blog about it. When i say blog i mean more that just bitching about how much my life sucks…..Well I started my fall semester almost a month ago, and i’ve learned a few very important things.
Unless I change my major, I’m not going to graduate in 4 years
I actually have to practice if I want to survive
I can always find someone to talk to in the SOM (school of music)
I am going to spend obscene amounts of time studying for everything from music history to biology
DO NOT cook broccoli/Fish/Anything with stinky cheese in the microwave in the lounge, unless you want to get jumped by musicians
I have to kick my horrible procrastination habit
NEVER, i mean, NEVER! say that you don’t think that you’re good enough…if you don’t believe in yourself, nobody else will, and you’re going to fail
You know, I’ve gone through a lot of crap in my life but it always seems like the smallest most inconsequential things are the ones that bother me the most when they’re gone. For some reason I could deal with leaving most of my friends to go to college, I could deal with the deaths of close relatives….but I’ve spent all day moping around because of a little bracelet that broke. I’ve had the bracelet since the end of February. My grandmother gave it to me last time when I saw her. Now I’d understand if she handed it to me on her death bed or something, but no…she’s alive and kickin’. It was just a small bracelet with crystal-like plastic beads and little metal flower thingies. I’ve actually only willingly taken it off 3 times since I bought it. Once to go through airport security and twice to go to the beach. But last night as I was trying to pour a bucket of water out of my front door it just snapped, and the beads scattered all over the front door step, the entryway and the ground. I was lucky enough to find 10 out of the 12 beads, but i spent about 30 minutes on my hands and knees looking for them in the dark. I guess that I should just get over it, but every few minutes I look down at my bare right wrist and i’m hit with a pang of sadness…for a bracelet…..that i had for only 6 months…..
It bothers me when people judge too quickly. They can see you once from 30 feet away, they never actually talk to you….speak to you….or even make eye contact….but somehow they can develop a whole idea of who you are….I understand that it’s human nature, but I mean to criticise someone that you really know nothing about is kind of pointless….But what really bothers me is that people judge me by who and where I get inspiration from. I am inspired by many things. Some of them are the stereotypical sob story inspirations,but some are the ones that only make sense when you really sit down and ponder. My biggest inspiration wasn’t seeing my family falling apart or growing up in a tiny little house in the middle of nowhere. My biggest inspiration or should I say Inspirations were my peers. I never really fit in anywhere, but I was never completely shunned or hated. Mostly because I watched how everybody interacted with each other. I literally watched and learned…I figured out what pisses people off, and what makes them happy. I found out what is acceptable in one clique and how it’s a death wish in another. I watched my peers, and I have spent my life watching and making myself a better person by what I’ve seen and learned…….Yeah I know many people think it’s weird….but if you sit back and just watch others….just watch, not judge or criticise, you’ll learn a lot about the people around you, and yourself……